


Aitakute

by Midori_Hime



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Based on a song, Drama, F/M, One Shot, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 14:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/610996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midori_Hime/pseuds/Midori_Hime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakura's thoughts on Sasuke, beginning from when he left Konoha and her processes with dealing with her feelings. Non-canon at the end, SasuSaku</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act One

It had hurt the most when Naruto and his search party had gone to search for Sasuke. She'd smiled at Naruto's promise, even though her tears were obvious. She waved until long after they had gone, before returning home. The rest of the day was spent crying.

Looking back, Sakura realised how much she must have freaked her parents. She was still young and hadn't returned home the night Konoha's last Uchiha left. Their precious daughter had been found on a park bench, distraught and in a panic. After a team was sent out, her crumbling brave act fell to pieces.

Sakura had been beyond their reach. And for what? A boy? They'd known about her crush on Sasuke (and Ino's rivalry with her over the matter), but from what they heard, apart from being a tragic orphan, he wasn't a particularly nice boy. He was a traitor to boot. Perhaps they hadn't been as considerate as she needed them to be, but at the time, her parents hadn't known how very much in love ( _love_ , not lust or crushing) their only daughter had been.

And perhaps Sasuke had been in love with her too. After all, he'd covered her with a blanket and hadn't harmed her. If it was anyone else, he would have lashed out in a rage. But that was neither here nor there.

As time passed, she grew and understood more. Sakura's feelings changed and she matured, yet she could never forget the pain Sasuke had caused her that night. Not just her - Naruto and Kakashi too. What would happen if he came back? That's assuming he wanted to. If the stubborn teen had to be dragged by force, it'd be an entirely different story.

Could she accept him? How mad would she be? Would the village punish him? Surely any ninja or civilian would want to avenge their family (but he'd gone to  _Orochimaru_  of all people!)... Could he live normally in the Leaf again? And what happened if he killed Itachi before they found him? She'd heard of murder suicides where the murderer would then kill himself...

What if Itachi had a change of heart and decided to kill Sasuke after all?  _What if, what if, what if..._  Sakura would never know the answers to any of those questions, and even if she could see into the future, or magically understand what ran through the boy's head, she wouldn't want to. Not for anything in the world.

Maybe it was cowardice and she didn't want to see the Leaf fail again. Didn't want to see Sasuke turn his back again, crush Naruto like that again. If she knew the answers to her problems and they weren't satisfactory, would she have the power to change them? Currently, no, and against Sasuke and his stubborn streak and nature of his goal, she probably could never beat him.

But that was okay. She laughed, almost silently to herself. She'd told her mother that a year or so ago and her brave facade had been caught out immediately. It'd been Valentine's then. Sakura had never gotten Sasuke chocolates, but she had always left him onigiri or something useful as a present. The pinkette had never been called on it, but she knew he knew.

Today was different. Those words were real. Of course, her heart hadn't healed, but things were okay. At least now they knew Sasuke was alive and away from Orochimaru. He was strong enough to take down Deidara and had a team with him. Okay wasn't perfect or even good, but it was a start.


	2. Act Two

The first time she'd seen him again, she'd been shivering and could barely speak. They'd fought bravely, but lost in the end. They met more times after that and soon, she met Karin. The stitches in her heart failed, wounds tearing open again, red and raw like they were only made yesterday.

Realistically, she knew Sasuke had no interest in her. Sakura was a friend and a teammate much longer than the other medical ninja, and she'd never been so...  _provocative_  (Really, what type of a ninja wore  _that_  type of outfit?!). Karin wasn't Sasuke's type (though she did have long hair...). Yet, who was she to say that? Sasuke had always been goal-orientated - he hadn't had time for the girls who flung themselves at him. Yet now, he was stuck with one - maybe something would happen? Plus, they'd been so much younger then... Perhaps Sasuke wasn't such a bastard anymore?

It was stupid, yet when she couldn't see them, she felt like a jaded lover. Was he smiling with her? Did they hold hands? Sakura should have been the one to heal his wounds and make him better, not some bitch for Orochimaru! Sasuke hadn't been particularly kind to her, but he'd never been cruel either. Was the other girl receiving that same attitude? The one that had given her the edge over Ino?

Feeling those feelings and thinking back on when he left... She felt so far. Not spacey air-head distant or like she hadn't advanced, but it didn't feel right. It was more like... She'd never left the starting line. Everyone else had raced on ahead but Sakura was frozen at that one point in time.

Those innocent and pure feelings.. were raw and painful, but they were real and she cherished them without fail. They tied Sasuke to her, whether he liked it or not.  _"Let's be happy together."_  If only she could say that and he'd smile back (a smirk was more likely) and that'd make things better... She wanted to be more than friends, because if it wasn't him, it was useless.

Not that she hadn't tried elsewhere. The pinkette had appraised Kiba and Shino and Shikamaru and pretty much every other guy in the village, even Naruto. Some of them weren't as good as Sasuke and some of them were much better. Personality, looks, abilities, loyalty... Sasuke was just unique. That was something that still pissed her off to this very day. How on earth had he managed to wrap dozens of kunouchi around his finger without even trying?

If she could go back in time and change that moment... But what ifs were useless. Her feelings, even though they created a bond, felt as though they would never reach. The pinkette wanted to see him, hold him, welcome him with all her heart, but it was impossible. Thinking too much always put her into these moods; her brain would slowly move from every day normal thoughts to  _Sasuke Sasuke Sasuke..._

He'd never said he loved her, not even that she was a friend. That "Thank you" of his hadn't hinted at anything more than the latter, but if he were to say the same thing now, even if it were just a lie... That was anything she'd give to hear.

 


	3. Act Three

Tomatos were his favourite and he had a soft spot for cats. He had a personal refuge hidden behind a river bend and had never set foot in the Uchiha compound after the massacre. Sakura knew more about Sasuke than anyone in Konoha, in the  _world_  and perhaps, sometimes, even more than Sasuke himself did. But what was the point in that if she couldn't the one he wanted, the one who was by his side?

To this day, she loved him with everything. It was more regretful and sorrowful now. She'd never seen Sasuke with Karin romantically and there were no further hints that they'd be together. Despite that, she felt as though all hope was lost. After all, Naruto had failed in fulfilling his promise, right?

...That wasn't fair. Naruto had tried his best and if he couldn't do it, no one else would have been able to bring Sasuke back. Naruto had never given up either; unlike Sakura, who always fell down and gave up, thinking that even if Sasuke returned, it'd be useless. He could be thrown into prison or executed for being a traitor. He may never be able to be a ninja again.

Naruto had always loved her. That was obvious. But he knew how important Sasuke was to her. He'd never given up on her love, even if was unrequited and caused her emotional whiplash more times than she could count. The blonde had always believed he'd set them up or whip her out from Sasuke's arms. The latter was often said in jest - he'd never hurt either of them like that; Naruto respected them too much for that.

Either way, it was irrelevant. To be honest, so was her love for her former teammate. No matter what, she was still in love with him. It was useless to say it to anyone, much more to herself - it was obvious and painfully so. In her dreams, he'd embrace her with his soft voice, calling her name just once.

Once was enough. Sleeping Beauty only needed on kiss to wake her up and Cinderella had been found with just one shoe. All Sasuke needed to say her name. One word. But he'd said her name plenty of times since he'd left. It needed to be laced with just one thing - emotion. The only one she wanted was love.

Eventually, she'd get there. It wouldn't be easy and it'd be rocky and difficult and far from perfect, but she'd get there. But for now, Ino Pig was calling and needed to be shut down. Sasuke was a problem she'd tackle when they met again - she was going to be honest and if she didn't get what she wanted, she'd beat him black and blue! CHA!


	4. Act Four

"I want to meet you, I really want to meet you!"

Her words rang out to the now empty forest, the sun slowly setting, making the tears on her face shimmer and appear to be liquid fire. After completing their last mission, they'd crossed Sasuke's path and Naruto had followed pursuit. They'd caught up and she confessed.

She'd been too cowardly for too long! Once it was out in the open, she felt better. As expected, Sasuke hadn't responded kindly (though he wasn't as cold as he used to be either) and he had turned out to be far too fast to be beaten black and blue by her. Naruto had followed the raven haired one and she followed them both, not sure whether she wanted to crush Naruto's heart again by needing a shoulder to cry on or wanting to catch Sasuke before he was out of her range for good.

He'd left her alone again. What was new? But surprisingly, for once, it wasn't Naruto or even Ino who saved her. It was Karin.

It seemed trivial and unimportant now, but the bitch (Sakura really had no reason to think of her as that, except the fact she was obviously out for Sasuke too) had gotten on her nerves. A few choice insults and rude gestures. They'd ended up in a fight. It wasn't that she was weak, but her skill wasn't in fighting - rather, it was in medical ninjutsu and chakra control and thinking ahead, so she wasn't as up to scratch as the others.

Against Karin, however, she was a machine. Sasuke had returned, getting in between the brawling girls, grabbing her wrist strongly and frowning. Karin had blushed and then yelled, saying she didn't need him. He responded by throwing Sakura with what seemed to be the barest flick of his hand. Needless to say, crashing through a dozen or so trees had knocked her out, but before she had faded to blackness, Sakura could have swore she saw him smile.

Had he been happy she'd beaten up his teammate? Their medical ninja no less? Was he seeing her as more than a nuisance now? Seeing what Tsunade's training had done to her? It wasn't loving... It was more like pride. He'd been her teammate once, so it made sense he was happy she'd turned out to be a decent ninja.

Somehow she couldn't think it meant more than that. When he'd finally returned to the village, she'd convinced him to meet with her. She was always left waiting and today was no different. All she wanted to do was hear your voice for a second, talk for a little bit. Why did he always feel the need to react so brusquely? He knew her feelings (he'd always known, she hadn't exactly been subtle) so what was he doing? Leading her on? Trying to tell her he just wanted friendship? Did he think of her like a sibling?

_'Just speak damnit! I'm not a mind reader, Sasuke!'_

When he was on missions, she worried. When he was with Karin, she was jealous. When he opened up to Naruto, she was plain mad - she hadn't been anywhere near that annoying or rude and Naruto was let in first?!

_What should I do? I miss you, you know? My heart is locked and I really hate this vague relationship between us. Well, I suppose it isn't vague, is it? Just on my end. What do you feel, Sasuke? What goes through your head? I can't keep going like this. I just wanna be your girlfriend..._

With that, she signed the letter and sent it. What else could she do? Giving up... was the easy and most logical option. But she'd worked so hard! Feeling weak, she let the tears run.


	5. Act Five

Two months and no response. What a dick! She'd been hoping that Sasuke would at least have the balls to shut her down properly when he didn't have to say it to her face! Honestly, it was like he'd just dropped off the face of the Earth! But then, her cell rung and a message asked her to meet him at noon.

She'd been all ready to yell at him before she'd seen the bandages. Seems as though the pinkette had forgotten about the mission he'd been sent on. Sasuke had only received the letter this morning. He didn't seem interested in her at all - he didn't look at her or her clothes and never looked in her general direction nor did he listen to the things she had to say or look at what she pointed out.  _'Why on earth am I even here?'_

Seeing Karin across the street, she sidled closer while pulling a face at the other girl.

_'Though we look just like lovers when we're reflected in the display window of the shop here, you only see me as a friend. I wonder if I truly have a chance with you.'_

Sasuke started to speak, but Sakura had already started. The words came and couldn't stop and soon they were joined by that horrible feeling you get when you're about to cry.

"Tell me, what do you think of me. Am I missing something? Please tell me! No matter how many times I close my eyes I can't see anything but you. What should I do? I can't make myself like anyone else! I can't keep going like this..."

Before she could fully begin to cry (she refused to admit the fact her lashes were drenched meant she was already crying - it was only when the tears poured down your face that it became crying), Sasuke had wrapped his arms around her. He was awkward and rightly so. Even from her end she could see she'd put him in an awkward position.

The girl who'd been after him for ages had just broken down in the middle of the street and demanded to know why he didn't love her. Fair enough, considering she didn't have any clue whatsoever as to where he stood, but privacy and warning would have been nice. As would her giving up after all his rebukes.

Sniffling, she allowed herself to be steered away from the streets of Konoha to the outskirts of the village. Ironically, it was the same place he'd left her after he'd knocked her out all those years ago. At least if Sasuke did that know, she could fake amnesia and act clueless, putting this mess behind her for good.

When Sasuke returned with drinks, they sat in silence, watching. It was incredibly awkward. But when he started to speak again, she listened. She probably wouldn't like it, but it was what she asked for, after all. To get confirmation he wasn't her Prince Charming... that was what she'd wanted all along, wasn't it?


	6. Act Six

Sasuke, being Sasuke, had got straight to the point. He didn't love Karin, which was fantastic, but he didn't love her either, so that was a bit less fantastic (she took heart in the fact Ino hadn't even been mentioned).

"I honestly don't want to stay in Konoha, you know that it holds too many bad feelings for me. As much I don't want to stay, leaving will cause even more problems. You and Naruto were thinking mostly about yourselves when I was leaving, rather than what I wanted, what I  _needed_ to do. So I'll never apologise for that. In saying that, it's not like I'm aiming to hurt you both again."

"I just want you to be happy, Sakura. I don't know how to do that without loving you, but I don't think that's something I'm entirely capable of."

I smiled and told him to do his best, saying it'd be great if he could just be a bit more friendly rather than so cold and aloof. I was trying to act mature despite my feelings. Sasuke was being the most honest and open with me (and possibly anyone) then he'd ever been before.

Even though our conversation hadn't really gone anywhere that we hadn't been before, I felt relieved. Even though he was with Karin, it wasn't romantically or even because he wanted to. I didn't have to question if the other girl was more important to him, if everything they'd shared before the redhead had come along was meaningless. I didn't have to worry that you'd given everything I held sacred about you to another. I was still coming out on top, and that made me smile. (Unfortunately, the idiot seemed to think that was enough and dropped the conversation, saying he had to be somewhere. Liar.)

But time passed. Sasuke may not have been mine, but I'll always just be his. I'm pretty, smart and an apprentice to a san-nin, just like you. I was your teammate back in the day, always then whenever, always searching for you. There was just that one thing I wanted in return.  _Gimme gimme gimme your love._ Time kept passing though and the good mood from that talk in the park eventually faded, making room for more negative feelings and thoughts. The more I think, the more I hurt. The more I think, the further you feel.

_I said I love you so many times, but nothing happened. Why does it have to be like this?_


	7. Act Seven

_Wait for my message,_

_-Sasuke_

Well if that wasn't cryptic she had no idea what was. She'd given up on 'just finding a way' a few weeks ago, hoping to at least salvage their withering friendship. Just as she was thinking of giving up on Sasuke completely (including the friendship thing; the raven haired man had been spending more time with  _Sai_ of all people than her, which was more than a slap in the face, making her wonder if he still thought her to be the annoying brat from their genin days), this barely anything note appeared.

And then nothing. She was hoping for a dinner or something. Hell, even a phone call would have been nice! But nope, not a thing came her way and she didn't even see Sasuke around the village the next day, or the one after that.

Three more days passed. She went to his apartment, then to Naruto's to see if it was his idea of a joke. Neither of them were home and Sai wasn't at his place either. A week later, she discovered that nobody else in their group knew where they were and when she checked the mission rosters a few days later (after much pleading to Shizune - the woman had only agreed because she knew how much trouble Naruto could whip up and how much of a mess it could be if Sasuke was doing something stupid again), the pinkette found that the trio should still be within Konoha's borders.

But true to his note, the message eventually arrived. Follow the (once again) cryptic words, which sent her through the village, to his hiding hole behind the river bend and all the way up to the top of the Hokage Monument before leading her straight to his apartment. Needless to say, while the day had been nice (the sun was lovely and warm on her skin) and she'd seen some pretty places, she was feeling ridiculous and pretty damn hungry too.

Barely waiting after she knocked, she opened the door, kicked off her shoes and had a smart arse comment on the tip of her tongue before she took in the usually sparse apartment. It wasn't like it had been suddenly renovated, but the low light from the scattered candles and the addition of a small table set for two and adorned with a small vase of flowers made the small apartment that much more cosy and inviting.

"I asked Sai to help with some of this. He may only know how to socialise because he's a nerd, but he has a step up on me in some areas. I didn't make this stuff, it's takeout-"  
"It's fine!"

There was an awkward silence for a bit as they ate. Sasuke occasionally broke it by saying how it wasn't entirely him and how he had various people to help (which made her think more and more that a majority was done by him alone; though she didn't doubt that he'd asked Naruto to ask Ino for the flowers - apart from the idea that they weren't really his thing, he knew Ino still felt something for him and wouldn't have hurt her so blatantly). He was so obviously embarrassed and awkward that she wanted to laugh but he seemed so uncomfortable as well. Her eyes widened and it felt as though a cold stone had dropped heavily into her stomach.

"You haven't been forced into doing this, have you?"

He seem genuinely surprised at that. "No. When have I ever done something I didn't want to?" She smiled at that, but it was obvious that some of the mood had been ruined. He sighed and shifted, not wanting to speak, but knowing he had to.

"I honestly don't know if I can be in a relationship. I told you that before. But you're the girl who means the most to mean - the feelings I hold for you are different to those I hold for Naruto and are different to those I feel towards my teammates and family. How am I to know that I'm not in love, with how detached I am and all? I can't guarantee this will work, but I'm willing to give this a try. I owe you that much."

Smiling, she laughed and lunged across the table, breaking a glass and spilling the wine in order to hug him. He placed his arms loosley around her shoulders, letting her to cry into his shoulder.

Neither of them knew at that point that they'd be married in the spring of the next year, living in his apartment until they had two kids on the way on top of the four cats they already had.

**Author's Note:**

> I started this more than a year ago, and had a bit of trouble getting back into it, but hey, it's always good to write out of your comfort zone every now and then! Inspired by Nishino Kana's song "Aitakute Aitakute". This isn't really my ship, but the idea came so here you go!


End file.
